Friday, 23 August 2013

Kain Busuk

Adelea has 1 habit; carrying her smelly favourite timeless cloth a.k.a kain busuk. It’s a bit weird to me, because, I heard some kid have habit of carrying smelly pillow a.k.a bantal busuk, but not kain busuk. That kain busuk is napkin we bought when she was still a baby. If I’m not mistaken we bought 2 boxes, so she has many kain busuk changed & washed daily. So, it’s not so smelly actually. To my surprise, she knows whether it is a napkin or not. We tried to give her other type of cloth other than napkin, but she rejected it. Ok, clever.

My mother started that. She said, one day she saw Adelea playing with a napkin until she falls asleep. After that, when she is crying & screaming for no reason, my mother will give her the napkin for her to play with and few minutes after that, my mother found her already back to sleep. So, it has become a habit after that; crying-napkin-sleep, screaming-napkin-sleep. This napkin really helps. Oh thanks a lot.


But…….(here come the but part, and really not fun)

For me carrying all those kain or bantal is cute when a baby is still a baby. It was a blessed when I see her not crying when she has her napkin beside her. But now, she’s growing up. And she looks so cute in her frills dress or cute shirt with legging or miniskirt. But, all that cute moments gone when she carrying her must-wear accessory – napkin.

One day (I cannot remember when it was), I’m trying to put her to sleep. I didn’t give her napkin, because I’m trying to slowly separate her with her napkin.  But, she keeps on whining as if she sees vision and so afraid of it. I give up, and hand the napkin to her. She off to sleep less than 5 minutes.

Once she got her napkin, her face expression also change. From fear expression to calm. I almost cry you know. From that moment, I swear I won’t separate her with her napkin.

I almost cry not because I feel guilty trying to separate her with her napkin. But, because I know she feels safe the moment she got her napkin. I was thinking, now she needs napkin, growing up, I’m really sure she’ll needs me a lot as how much I need my mother until now. Until 1 time, I think “ok, I should be able to be independent now and do not expect my mother to be there for me all the time”. Then I start to say “I’m ok Mak” eventhough I had trouble that time. I don’t want my mother to worry so much about me.

That day will come right? The day when she will have the same feeling as I had before. I know its part of life, but I don’t want it to be that way. I want to be the everything for my kid. *wipe tears*

At first, I thought that habit is ok. I heard a kid will leave that habit when he/she entering school. Not cool, especially when they have crush at school. haha. I have gone too far.

Ok, that’s what my daughter feel safe about, so if anyone wants to make fun on it, go ahead. I’ll not hurt my feeling even for a pinch. I even taught Adelea to get the napkin by herself that I keep inside a drawer.

But I still pray, one day she will left that habit with open heart.

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