Monday, 21 April 2014

Longing to attend religious talk

Sometimes, I feel lonely.

Although, it’s very noisy around me, with the sounds of televisions, Adelea playing, running and throw things in the house, the sound of the neighbours’ cooking, the sound of the neighbours’ children playing around the house area….so much noise. Yet, I still feel lonely, inside.

It happened quite a few times. I don’t want to think about it too seriously, so I’ll keep myself busy until the feeling gone. Until one day, I feel the same again, and my heart flutters as if something not right is going to happen. Then, out of sudden, these words came out from my mouth “it has been a long time I didn’t attend any religious talk”.

I’m not a person who fancy religious talk, searching for the schedule kind of, and mark the date on the calendar, and being impatient waiting for the date. No.

I still remember when I was a kid, there’s a religious forum on television, and we always pray my parents will forget about that so that we can watch our drama till the end. Hehehehe. Then, if we accidentally switch the TV channel to a religious program, we will quickly change to non-religious program. We so jahil that time, dah macam orang anti-agama sendiri.

Then, during secondary (I’m staying at hostel), I’m so lazy to attend the Kuliah Maghrib. I don’t see it as something fun to do and never value the kuliah as something beneficial to me.  I’ll sit at the back of the crowd in the surau, easy for me to sleep. There are few times I was caught sleeping. Malu betul.

When my school held a religious talk, (normally, the hostel students are compulsory to attend) I’ll try to get a seat at the back of the hall, easy for me to go to washroom, and never come back to the hall without anyone noticing.

Remembered all those back, make me feel loss. I was exposed to many chances to attend religious talk, but I waste that opportunity. And now, when I really want to attend, I have no chance at all….

Ok, silap..

The chance is there, but I cannot grab them.

At my housing area, the Persatuan Wanita held a mengaji/Iqra’ class and invite the girls. Deep inside me, I want to attend, but when the day come, it’s either I’m out somewhere or woke up late. So, you see, the chances there….it’s so near yet so far to grab.

So, sometimes, when that feeling hit me again, I go and take the Tafseer A-Quran. Enough reading 2 or 3 pages, helped me calm down a bit. I’m so thankful for this. Not bragging I’m Alim or what, just want to share, reading Al-Quran (at least read the Tafseer) help a lot to relax our mind and soul.

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