Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Sleep Training...after 1 week

She’s already okay to sleep at her own room.

That’s it. No more drama, no more tears, just “okay” when we ask her to sleep, and obediently followed behind us when we send her to her room. Not an interesting story anymore...ishhh!
See....I have nothing to write.

I feel sad,
I feel like crying,
My eyes welling up with tears now...tsk!

I feel scared...
I read about “bedtime fears” that commonly experience by children her age. What if she hears something crawling under the bed followed by scary “scratching” sound, and out of nowhere, Sulley from Monster Inc jump out and makes the scariest roar ever!!!

She definitely needs both her parents to calm her down on that time, but where are we? Soundly sleeping in our room, and have no idea at all what’s happening at our daughter’s room...

On 2nd night, I still lie down with her until she sleeps. On the following day, I think, that would not be a good training. Thus, I left her alone, to see whether she’s ok being alone or not. I told her, I’m going out for a while to poo-poo, instead I lie down on the couch at the hall. Few minutes later, she calls me up. I immediately jumped up from the couch, and hurriedly walked to her rooms. You know...motherly instinct. Few steps before reaching her room, I thought “I shouldn’t do this. I should let her sleep on her own”. So, I step back to the hall.

She calls me again for few times in less than 10 minutes, but I just respond loudly to her “kejap sabar, boleh?”.’s not easy to control my feelings. This discipline thing really makes me sick.

While busy playing the Farmville online, I realize it has been about 15 minutes since Adelea last call me. She might have sleep right now. Brave girl. I smiled to myself. Suddenly I thought what if she’s still not sleep, but she’s been keep quiet because she saw Sulley in her room? What if she sees things?

I had goosebumps!

I may be exaggerating of Sulley, but things, no doubt in their existence and they cannot be seen with the naked eyes.

I hurriedly walk to her room, Adelea still awake. She smiled when she saw me.

“Adelea tidur, mi pok-pok Adelea okay”

I feel guilty inside my heart. I am very keen to know what her feeling was being alone in her room for the past 30 minutes. But, I just keep quiet. I know it’s no use if I ask, she won’t understand. And I don’t want her to start to feel scared when I ask “Adelea takut ke?” she understands the word takut already. I want her to be brave.

What if she really sees things? But, she can’t voice it out to us because she still cannot speak well. Every night, she had the same feelings of fear, and what she can only do is just hiding behind the blanket. Ok, maybe she tried to tell us, but we failed to understand her. She cried but we scold her. Tired of that, she just kept to herself. And she grew up together with that fear that haunted her since she was a kid, not only that, she grew up with the mindset “my parents don’t love me, my parents ignore parents cannot solve my problem” and she starts to do things or make decision by herself. She’ll put distance between us.... it sounds bad.

I don’t want that to be happened in my family. I want her to think, that she’ll need me for the rest of her life – ok not all things, but certain girl-to-girl things (although I want everything). That’s what I’m afraid the most; losing her.

I might think negatively, by thinking about things that harass my daughter’s life. I shouldn’t infuse the sense of fear, instead I have to make her believe that evil/spirits are exist, but we do not need to be afraid of them, because they are all God’s servant like human, and we are not even weaker by them. Allah S.W.T is the One and Only that we have to fear of.

It’s not easy being parent. 1 wrong mistake may lead to many mistakes. I know, it takes my whole life to teach my children, and there will have many challenges and conflicts and some will go beyond my motherly patience and thinking, awaits me in the future. Regardless how prepared I am for that time to come, I might fall.

I pray, Allah S.W.T will ease the way for Asan and I, give us guidance, grant us with enough patience and please don’t let us give up in raising our children. They are trust entrusted to us and we certainly cannot take this Amanah lightly. So many things to learn, so many things to pass through. Life examination which have no exact right or wrong, no exact date, but hopefully all of us are protected from evil elements and remain on the right track until the Day of Judgement/Resurrection. Amin.

Picture taken on 2nd night. I'll miss your 2 little feet kicking my face. I Love You with all my heart. Bless her, Ya Allah.

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